Not Quite Right

Mood: Everything's Going to Hell but could be worse.

I've got the feeling that everything is not quite right. (I'm pretty sure its not prophetic.) It is a general feeling but it feels so specific and applicable to me. I know that all creation groans for adoption. (Romans 8) I know that everything is created by, through, and ruled by God. He is the reason/word behind it all. (John 1) I still have a nagging idea that things are not quite right. I can't escape it. Its been pulling me down today.

I know that such a truth should rather be encouraging. Christians are called from lives that are out of this world but in it. Christians should see problems with the world right now. Christ had to come; it was necessary. He had to come to make it right. The world is never perfect but I believe it aught to be. I see how far it has fallen short. The world will be changed like clothes at the comming of Christ. I need to remind myself of that and the cure for everything else till then. The gospel.

I know the problem is my functional lack of belief that creation will be redeemed and is being summed up in Christ as we speak. It is spilling overing into me basing stuff on my subjective feelings. I know that God works all things for good but that is not what I feel.

Furthermore, I feel like I should be convicted of some sin. Instead I'm convicted of sin in general in the world. I see my inability to overcome it all and the necessity for more faith. I see my own depravity and hate my own person in some ways. It is not quite condemnation but close. It is melancholy. Yet, I am not who I was even a few years ago. My condition is slowly getting better. It is not by my efforts. I know that God wills and works within me but I still feel deadly ill. I need to look out my boring stale 'hospital room' and let the light of christ shine on me. Not envy the outdoors in doing so but feel the present warmth of its rays.

I need to remind myself of truth and God's actions on my behalf. Both meditating on His providence or spending time in His word. I've been woefully lacking this and in speaking truth to my life recently.