An Idol's best friend

So yeah, I have been trying to grow in relationships recently. Yet, not in the way God desires. Now my tale begins by going to hang out with some people friday night. I intended to go but couldn't find the place. I was in a kind of shady area walking around for a while. I was a little stressed by it but not badly. I had called one person twice for directions and two other people.

Now once I had found the place. I wasn't feeling it. Not enough people. I was like screw it. (The area was certainly less shady than where I was searching for the house.) I started walking back toward my apartment. I stopped to look in the liquor store, but I really didn't want to get anything. Waste of money. I just looked around and left. So finally after wasting an hour going to and fro with the small party. I ended up just going to a coffee house, alone to relaxed. I was still a little stressed/bored afterward but it was probably the caffiene (My drug of choice.) from the triple sized sumatra coffee. I decided to go to an old roomate's apartment. They played a little Mario Party. I wasn't feeling it here either with the just hanging out and the 'lame' game. I finally just retired to my apartment to learn/play with GIMP 2.4 aka photoshop by myself.

At this point, I kind of regretted not going to hang out at the small party with people from my church. I later got an IM from someone who had gone and was still hanging out. (They had played some poker and were going to watch a movie.) It didn't help a lot. Yet it did, for I had already began recognizing an idol in my life. Friends.

I was bored and my problem was that I was looking for contentment in something other than God. I was looking for it in friends. I was not in the right mind. This idol is new for me this semester. I know it to be a pattern that has developed slowly starting earlier in the summer. I have spent more time hanging out this semester than ever before. Just for fun with only sparce fellowship or god-glorifying purpose. I did not even try to redeem the time.

Now, it seems strange that I am to needing to grow in relationships and I am finding that I have befriended an idol along the way. I have some ideas of what I need to do. I hung out for most of today. It was an improvement. I used the time to remind myself of what God had done in other people's lives. Christ is the basis of friendships that are enduring. Another thing that seemed helpful was making my own time to do my own thing with God, even if I was chillen around friends.

I do not want to be some needy guy. I will seek contentment apart from my friend's company even if I still am spending just as much time with em. I find it was much better that way. Cause thats probably how it should be. Today, I used some 'hang out' time to read and spread out at my friend's house. I kept to myself more than usual, but to each his own. I think some of it was an improvement.

Now, I bring all this friendship stuff up because I am considering to start dating soon. I am not quite ready. I still don't know what I even want to out of some of my other friendships though. How am I to know what I want out of dating if I can't figure out what I want out of my friends. I yearn for time spent on more than just on small things. It may be fun but to what end. I want friendships in general to be different than they are. I need friends that help me towards God more than ones that are just fun. Yet, I have been spending time with friends to make me happy rather than seeking out that which I need in my soul. This time spent need not always be indifference but it should not be time spent thinking friends could solve my troubles or even my boredom or discontentment.