Self-absorption

Self-absorption is turning inward to deal with or avoid pain. It is a large sin or rather a tendancy that strengthen's sin power.

I have researched self-absorption. It is very complicated. Many people would believe that being self-absorption is only arrogance or vanity. I disagree. Someone can be humble, serving in a soup kitchen, and all the while being self-absorbed. People can be proud and vain in their confession or in their doing good. Self-absorption is an indirect pride that pulls people inward and turns them inside out. It is inherent in all men and all sin.

First, all sin turns people's attention from God toward themselves. God rightly says that sin comes from men's darkened minds in Romans 1. Self-absorption here seperates one from God into one's self. Placing emphasis on self is ultimately idolatry.

Second, self absorption when confronted with suffering in others make it the opposite of empathy. One will only care for themself. It is opposed to love here to. Love does not seek its own.

Third, self-absorption causes resilience to pain. (So is it good?) This seems strange but there was a psychological study that stated people who were self-absorped did better after 9-11 than others. Furthermore, I tend to accept this psychological insight. God's holiness can be painful to me so people run from such pain. They run from God. These kind of people need to be hurt more over there sin, not less. They need their hearts opened to God. People turn inward when condemned but not convicted.

Fourth, the Holy Spirit must sever any self-absorption. He is given the work of convicting the world of sin and of righteousness by the Word. It is the Word which is offensive. It cuts sharply. It will bring Godly pain to bring one to repentance.

Fifth, one must repent of themself in many sins. Repentance is turning from sin and switching sides. It means switching from your selfish side to God's.

Sixth, Self-absorption is closely related to self-sufficiency. It is the inward focus of this outward problem. It is closing one's heart toward God.

Things are going my (God's) way.

I am in one of those periods where God has been abundantly gracious to me. He has given me joy and the desires of my heart for godliness. He is kind and I see that His timing is right. I feel that God has withheld certain things from me. These things are very good but at the same time. I can only say that they are good because of God's actions on my behalf. It is now that I see His wisdom. The very wisdom I rejected because I had not seen such great things. I would not be able to enjoy things normal people take for granted without God. It has left a certain hole in my chest. Straight to my heart. God easily breaks in every morning. The older and more mature I become as a Christian the fewer defenses I have to seeing God's goodness. My heart breaks more often not less. He has continued to expose my heart to Himself and the sorrow and joys of His holiness. I wish not to be one who shrinks back in fear or unbelief.

He makes me cry often but usually in a good way. Yes, I cry because of Him. I can't say that I would cry so much for other things. This is a reminder of grace. It is a reminder of God. It is His goodness given to me, past and present. It is His faithfulness that endures beyond my own failures. I can only expect this undeserved grace to continue. I can only expect Him to be as gracious as He has been. God doesn't change. His ways don't change.

I pray that my will may fall more and more in line with His will day by day. Not my will be done but yours, Oh Lord. But I do pray that it goes well with me. That it is agreeable when it does not need to be otherwise. That it is painful only when it creates godliness in me and dependancy on you.

I have a new job, a new car, new great roomates, and pain is going away. I have the ability to enjoy them to. This is from God. Yet, these all mean nothing. They are but icing on the cake. I value the grace from God the most when it comes to fighting sin. I value His wisdom. I value God himself and I am at a loss of words to thank Him.