My EMO phase

I said that I’d talk about Christ more on my blog. I haven’t finished talking about myself though. I hope to find some compromise here and end this trend. I want to show you that Christ’s strength is being perfected in my weakness. I want to show His surpassing goodness toward those he loves. I am changing in some fashion for the better. This emo phase shall soon pass. I do not where I get off this roller-coaster but it is not here. I hope to be moving on from what started a month ago. At least this emo phase is giving me confidence and experience to do what I feel is difficult emotionally. I hope to retain some humility and some understanding of my depravity from it all. I hope that it makes me see Christ more. Not less.

I want the truth of these following verses to be seen, and be seen in me. It is by grace wrought by God. It is exposing the truth and letting the darkness come into the light. It is Christ being formed more completely in me.

“19And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. 21But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.” John 3:19-20 KJV

“5 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: 6 For which things’ sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience: 7 In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them. 8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. 9 Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; 10And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:” Colossians 3:5-10 KJV

I feel like I am in the process of putting off the old man and putting on the new man. I am in the process of doing and saying what is true. I am in the process of exposing things that I cannot hold onto any longer. I am beginning to see the new man. He is broken but he is real. He isn't what I expected. I want what is left to be Christ, but I look at the cross to see another broken man. Christ who is more broken by sin than even me. That is who I see. A man who is carrying about a body of death.

I am not comfortable with the EMO change in my character but I know it must be for now. Sin is still wishing me to stay silent on the full extent of my brokenness, the depth of my depravity. It is telling me to forget about grace and change. It is telling me lies that I cannot bare. The truth shall set me free, from my own illusory prison. I might be silent for a while longer but my confidence is growing again. I am convinced others are part of the solution. Sin is wishing for me to hold onto the darkness. I cannot hold onto it anymore than I can hold onto the light.