Friends and Idols 2

It seems I've turned self-sufficient over the last month. I didn't realize because I felt really humble asking friends for help. I was relying on my friends, more than myself and more than God, to help me figure out some of emotional stuff. I am at a lack to understand my heart now more than ever. It is deceitful above all things. My friends couldn't help me much. I couldn't help myself much. Every single idea of my own seemed to fail. Its time for God's way again.

It is clear that only God can illuminate the darkest parts of my heart. Only he can bring conviction with His Word. Only, He can split apart the soul and spirit, bones and marrow. I am at war with pronouns in describing His work in my life so far. I see I have been constantly stealing glory without realizing it. I am back to trying to get my faith in His promises and in His help back . Yet, God is the one who will give that. I cannot rightly call it my faith. Cause it is not my own. He has done a lot in my sinful life already. He will do a lot more that I don't deserve it. I am at a loss to describe all that he has been doing as far as sin go. Especially in areas like lust, friends, and idols.

Shadow Boxing

It seems these days I am fighting my shadow. I am fighting sin that I think is there but has not made itself known. I know the heart is deceitful above all things. I want to pursue it to the root but it is costly to me. I have lost a godward focus for fighting my sin because it is in remission. Like a deadly cancer it can come back. I need to relearn that the spirit is the one who has to illuminate that dark sin and fight all those tendancies too deep in my soul. I see my sin as a shadow. Its always there with me but I can't seem to reach it on my own. I could try but...

I'll end up looking flipping ridiculuous trying killing my shadow by choking myself. Talking, asking, and looking up to people can't help me figure out my emotional confusion in multiple areas. I'll be isolating myself from those who might be smart enough to tell me the truth if things remain the same. I need to know that the son needs to rise up in my heart till it is high noon. Say Goodbye Shadow. I will not have to try to box then.