Unreality and Reality

I feel like I've had to deal with the unreality of reality and the reality of unreality. It may be hard to understand how I'm feeling.
-The problem is the cross seems so unreal but it is the ultimate reality.
-Our sin seems so real but has no substance outside of the good it corrupts.
-Our lives with indwelling sin seem so unreal and real.

The way I feel is unreal like something is in motion. There is something not quite at equilibrium anymore and I can't believe it. For better or for worse, it feels like condemnation. Oh, how it would clear up this unreality issue if it was. I hope it isn't more of the same. Its a pain that doesn't go away fully with the cross. Joy exists beside it. I'd like to think it is the starts of repentance. Or Godly sorrow. I've never felt it like this exactly before. Time will tell what this emotion and pain is.

There is one thing that I feel like I'm failing at in it all. I'm closer and further from God. I need to take the opportunity to take it deeper with Him. I'm not taking the opportunity to glorify God more for His actions. And even more for His being.