Confession of Confessing

Why is it that it is so much easier to confess sin a second time than it is to confess it the first time? I don't get it. I actually felt relieved and comfortable the second time. I went away feeling encouraged. The first time I went away mistrustful and an emotional train wreck for 2 days. This is after hitting the gas to fly into the wall the week before. I went away emotionally destroyed then. Crying, stressed, mistrustful, and relieved all at once. I was never quite right for two weeks. Still not but I don't know if i'll ever be. There is still too much unreality in it all, that I actually talked. Twice now. It was a double dose of humility. I don't know how to feel about it all now. My heart is fickle. I don't feel like making it a habit to confess this one sin over and over. It was good to do it twice.