My sin

John Owen once said of sin "Kill sin or it will be killing you." I feel like I am on the being killed end. I am convicted of this since I know that I have not resisted to the point of shedding blood. I am swinging from being closer and further from God both at one time. Sin has entrenched itself deeper into my life. Maybe it is just that I am seeing it now. I know the only cure is the gospel. At Anthem, I was closer to God while being farther away. Luckily, I know that I can draw near to God by the Blood of Christ. I trust in general the gospel but I haven't trusted it enough specifically for killing sin. It is strange. I am more reliant on it, recently, yet in more need of it.

I see that there is a general principle of sin in my life which is now shifting to find new outlets. It may be because I am guilty of giving it a foothold to launch every kind of attack against me. It seems that the provisions of just doing more church stuff does not help my condition. Anthem did not help in that way. Anthem may have helped uncover sin again. I was busy letting it catch fire on the back burner. Christian comfort isn't the problem. The problem is that I am too comfortable in my sin. This sin requires me to have more faith. I don't think I have done a good job at meeting the challenge.

My faith right now feels like John Paul Jones in saying "I have not yet begun to fight", while looking around only to see that my ship is sinking and on fire. Only to know: silly christian, you aught to be able to walk on water. It is our faith that must overcome the world. Merely knowing this does not help. I am strangely not dismayed at my uncovered depravity but I could use some prayer and grace to fight sin as I aught.