Lesser things: Intellegence

Some think intellegence is a natural trait. Some have also considered me intellegent, for lack of intellegence. I know my mind. I know it quite well. I have to disagree strongely at times. I have felt my mind has shifted further from rogue memory toward being more analytic. During this time, I have felt as if I have become stupider. (It gets really funny when I have gone without sleep for more than 48 hours. I can barely piece together a sentence or coherent thought. At least then there is a reason.) I kind of know that this is not the case but rather my intellegence has become analytic. It is a strange thing when my mind is not at my command in the same way it was before. This shift is seen in my classes, I can only learn equations now in conjuction with theories rather than by rogue memory alone. I have to study now when 2 years ago I did not. My rogue memory before meant that I never had to study even for crazy hard thermo-dynamics. It meant that I never learned things for a test and end up forgoting them later.

Maybe it is because my mind has limits and is speciallizing in how it is used. My mind is more systematic and engineering oriented than in my younger days. This shift has its ups and downs. My mind can almost always tackle any of the tallest theological obstacles by force. I have hammered out my view of the covenant of works from scripture. It is appart from standard reformed tradition but it is not new. I find my view echoed in some of the early reformers and the dutch. I am almost done hammering out my understanding of the covenant of grace. My covenant of grace is going to consist of sin and grace in time feeding off each other. Theological mountains are becoming molehills. I am faced with fewer issues and there is less on my plate to contemplate.

Knowledge can puff up. It takes wisdom to deflate it. I am left with what was always there to begin with: God, sin, and the Gospel. My heart needs help, not my head. I am left with theological thought that cannot escape the gravity of the cross. There is an end to learning for this reason. On the other side of the coin, memorizing scripture word for word is very difficult for me. My mind remembers chapters and verses but not words. It is a strange thing indeed.

I bring all this up because I am sure that discernment and deep thought are part of my spiritual giftings. I ask to what end will my own mind and person shift. I have seen other things that disturb me arise such as immaturity. I have felt that I have gone backwards while going forward in things. I don't know if anyone understands this feeling. I am sure God has a reason.