Quiet Trust and Confidence.

I have been growing like crazy emotionally and in understanding social relationships but I have a weak link in my chain.

[15 For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel,"In returning(repentance) and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength." But you were unwilling,] Isaiah 30:15

This whole chapter became more alive to me recently. Not just the part about God guiding me. I feel like I am moving into another promise as far as finding my strength. The last one was boasting in my weaknesses. I will do it more if it be necessary. I have scratched below the surface layer and it unsettled me emotionally for two days after I boasted in such. I was probably unsettled for almost a week prior preparing to do that. I lost sleep needlessly for two weeks of my life. I am not happy about that. It was not due to that sin I confessed but to another duo. Vanity and mistrust.

It exposed something else at work in my heart. Or something that is lacking. I've started working on it. It seems strange. I have recently found that I only fully trust God, after grace. I don't always trust myself. I don't fully trust friends even with multiple testimonies by God to do so. It has changed now in one instance with a close friend. God showed me that it was unbelief to not trust a friend if I believed it was His will to do so.

I don't know how to go forward as clearly on this one but God will begin to show me more soon. I need to be content to rest in my hospital room till I get better. I need God to change me. I hope to be willing but it is difficult. Another dose of humility might be in order to for me. Just to push me back into quietness.