Confession of my sin at being a christian

I have been a christian a long time. I have been saved for a long time but not quite as long as being a 'Christian'. I grew up a ‘Christian’ without actually being such for a while. I many times acted 'Christian' without faith. This should be a contradiction at its very core. It is a red flag. True christian things cannot be done rightly by unbelievers. Everything must be done by faith in faith.

Now when i look back through some better eyes. I see that I tried to do everything myself without Christ. Then, I would get mad at myself or maybe frustrated with God when I failed. This a perfect endeavor into a false religion. It is the largest religion of the world. It is the chief component of judiasm, catholicism, islam, hinduism, and a whole host of other religions. It is called Legalism. My childhood faith consisted in this with its own false God for a while. During this time, I had gone to a Presbyterian church that was sound. It was very orthodox. It was so sound that it was sound asleep. A hollow shell of the former self.

They had fallen into the trap of placing morality and ‘Christian’ living above the gospel truths of Christ and Him crucified. They shyed away from any controversy. The gospel was present but not arrayed in its full glory.

My salvation came later in middle school after I had moved from Pennsylvania. I was then going to a nondenominational evangelical (essentially Baptist) church in Indiana. I know that my trust was to be in Christ alone. I also learned that in trusting Christ, perfection was not the end of religion. Christ himself was the end. I certainly was a lukewarm legalistic "Christian" before this time. I can clearly say that christian are called in power. They should actively seek to be more Christ-like day-by-day. This is out of respect and honor of that person. Worship comes from Worthship, as in giving or showing the value of something. Namely recognizing worth and weight to God’s Love, Mercy, Grace, Purity, and even His Being. He is due from every creature this worship for he is our creator.

This transition from morality and duty into trust and worship began with a bang. It was not the same but my faith still had to grow on me. It slowly changed me over time to a complete faith. I was further blessed and strengthened in faith by several years spent at a sound SBC church in Tennessee throughout high school. I have now benefited from a sovereign grace ministries church. I also benefited by the encouragement to seek out God in the Bible and also from the shoulders of other men through personal study.


Before being saved, I just I wasn’t truly into following Jesus. I thought I was. (This is such a false hope that I would not have known without God.) The right way does not lead to a dead end with a mountain crashing on top of you. The short comings of doing 'good' is not the bases of a relationship with God. Real faith leads only to Christ and him crucified. No further.

I see that many times my past efforts to do what was right were shipwrecked by a blind man at the wheel. I was dead for a lack of knowledge. I was dead for a lack of faith. There was no way for me to fix it without God's help. I had to be born again for I could not spiritually discern truth. Natural man cannot. There is no faith apart from truth. There is not even a chance for truth without God himself and the Holy Spirit activily revealing it. God must open eyes and hearts.

It is by this truth of what faith is, that we can know that it is God who saves sinners. He will take the greatest legalist, even the most zealous of them. One which persecuted the church with all of hell's fury. If can be saved, we know that it is not of himself but of God. Let us not think about the ficticious line between sinners and saints, "he's a good guy", or anything like that. The Gospel is worthy of total exceptance by all and anyone. God tells the legalist to stop digging his hole. It is the ongoing sin of unbelief that keeps them at digging. Jesus had to die to overcome this also for his choosen people. He also had to send his spirit to convince people that righteousness was manifest apart from the law.

A natural man cannot please God without knowing how. Natural men think they are doing a service to God but the truth is that they are heap more coals of judgment upon themselves. They exalt their own pride and position rather than being humble enough to submit to Christ. They exalt their filthy rages. They exalt their 'required' service in praising God in such a way that it pays for their short comings. It does not. It is an ever present unbelief that condemns them.